why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
