I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
