he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
