Fuck appropriateness.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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