Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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