Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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