How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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