I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
