I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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