How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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