I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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