we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
