His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
