Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
