5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
