out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
