Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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