Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
