lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
