How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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