Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
