we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My vagina is very pro this idea
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