Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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