do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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