I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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