I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
