my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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