Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
