Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Randomize
