You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
