i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
