they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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