i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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