no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
