Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
