Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I deserve this hangover.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize