On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
