Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
