all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
