If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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