What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
