you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize