I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
