i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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