3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
