I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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