my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
