I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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