Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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