I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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