Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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