What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize