omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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