I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
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