I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
