Define "chronic" masturbator.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
