I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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