You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
