Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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