Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize