So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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