so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
