I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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