Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he was CRYING into my vagina
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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