My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize